The bit-tech Cheesecake Supertest 2

M&S Sicilian Lemon and Ricotta Cheesecake

Alex: This is Marks and Spencer’s Sicilian Lemon and Ricotta Cheesecake. It’s a bit sticky.

Joe: Well, I carried it here in a snowstorm. There may have been leakage. It’s worth pointing out that this is the only cheesecake we have that actually mentions any cheese though.

Harry: Whoa! This thing is like a calorie bomb about to go off in your mouth!

Alex: I’m wary of the fact that the box says ‘Improved Recipe’. That’s almost like them saying that the old one was rubbish.

Harry: I’m looking at this cheesecake right now and I can tell you that there is no base on this baby whatsoever. It is all filling. However, one sixth of this provides 250 calories, 17g of sugar and 18g of fat.

Joe: That’s less than the first cheesecake on all counts then. It’s actually healthier. Must be because it’s ricotta cheese.

Harry: I jumped the gun on my calorific bomb comment then.


Alex: This one actually has some real fruit on it too. Unlike the amorphous blobs of jam on the Tesco’s cheesecake, this one actually has some fruit on it.

Clive: Well, it’s candied rind. That doesn’t really qualify as fruit, does it? It does look nice though.

Alex: You could plausibly present this to someone and say that you’d made it, I think.

Joe: No, it looks too good for that. I’ve made cheesecakes before and they never look this good. Oh, Alex is tucking in.

Alex: Wow, it’s really deep.

Harry: It’s so deep you need to actually dig down to the base. And it’s very lemony too.

Alex: I like that, but then again I really like lemon.

Joe: That’s just a mouthful of white gunk, that’s what that is. I can’t even get to the bottom.

Harry: There's a rude joke in that comment somewhere.


Joe: There we go…oh, but the base is just a mouthful of brown gunk. Horrible.

Harry: It’s so lemony. The citrus just masks anything else that you might be able to taste, just wiping out all the other flavours.

Clive: Yeah, gooey lemon flavour.

Joe: It’s too thick too. Not just in terms of depth either; the actual texture of it is too thick. You need hot water to rinse your mouth out with afterwards.

Alex: It’s quite refreshing though. If you’d had a big Christmas dinner then you’d want something like this with a bit of lemon in it.

Joe: What? A cheesecake to cleanse the palette? Nonsense.

Harry: If the Gü was too chocolatey then this is too lemony.

Alex: If you bought this and didn’t like lemons that you’d be screwed.

Clive: If you don’t like lemons then you shouldn’t buy a lemon cheesecake.

Joe: Maybe you just really like Ricotta? Can you get cheesy cheesecakes? Like a cheddar flavour cheesecake?

Alex: I bet Heston Blumenthal does one.

Clive: You could serve it as a savoury. On a bed of crushed crackers.